What if a longtime friend knew, before a reaction runs over, that it is never directed against them?
A message shared once with a longtime friend, and a sudden emotional reaction stops being received as a personal attack. The friend keeps in mind that a sharp intensity can drop as fast as it rose, without the bond itself being at stake.
This case concerns a 29-year-old adult living with borderline personality disorder, marked by intense and rapid emotional reactions. She wants a longtime friend to have a reference point before a future reaction is misread.
The moment that matters
A harsh, almost sharp sentence, in response to an ordinary message: that's how Sarah discovers, on a Sunday evening, that the conversation with her friend Lea, 29, has just gone off the rails within minutes. She rereads the exchange several times, tries to figure out what she could have said wrong, feels targeted without understanding why.
Except that Lea had sent her, several months earlier, a link to her profile, with a simple note: "this explains some of my messages, sometimes". Sarah opens it again that evening, for the first time in a while. She reads that Lea lives with borderline personality disorder, that certain emotions rise very quickly and come back down just as quickly, and that the reaction in the moment does not reflect what she thinks of the friendship once she has calmed down.
Sarah does not reply within the hour with the same intensity. She waits until the next day, sends a simple message: "I'm here whenever you want to talk about it". Lea replies, calmer, almost embarrassed. What did not happen: the argument escalating message after message, the friendship damaged by a misunderstanding over a passing emotion, and for Lea, the feeling of being excessive once again, when all she needed was to be allowed to settle back down.
- You write it
- The QR is in place
- The reader scans
- Understood, without explaining again
Where to place the QR for this case
An intense reaction can happen at any time, which makes it hard to explain everything in the moment. The right time to pass on the information is beforehand, with a clear head, not in the middle of tension.
- Message sent once to a longtime friend, with the link to the profile, at a calm moment in the relationship.
- Link slipped into an existing private conversation, that can be checked again if an unusual reaction happens again.
- Card kept in a bag, to show face to face if the words don't come in the moment.
- Label on a personal notebook, printed from an A4 sheet of labels (standard template), as a reference if a loved one tries to understand afterward.
The rule here: the information goes out before the tension, to a chosen friend. It isn't meant to be brought up again at every argument.
Pre-written text templates
Three templates to adjust to your situation. They cover what a close friend reads first: what borderline personality disorder is day to day, what helps after an intense reaction, and what makes things worse. Starting points, not sentences to copy word for word.
For the "About me" section
"My name is [first name]. I have borderline personality disorder: my emotions sometimes rise very fast and very strong, then come back down just as fast. A harsh reaction from me, in the moment, does not reflect what I think of you once I've calmed down."
For the "How to help" section
"You can: let a little time pass before responding to a sharp reaction, suggest talking about it again once the tension has settled, not take a harsh sentence literally, and confirm to me that the bond stays strong despite a rough moment."
For the "What to avoid" section
"To avoid: responding with the same intensity in the moment, cutting off the bond after a single sharp reaction, bringing up an old argument at every disagreement, downplaying it by saying I always exaggerate everything, or demanding immediate apologies before calm returns."
Conditions concerned by this case
This case relates to borderline personality disorder, marked in particular by intense emotions that rise and fall quickly, and a strong sensitivity to perceived rejection. The reaction in the moment does not reflect the relationship as a whole. The linked page details how this works and the supports that help loved ones keep the bond.
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View the caseThis situation is something you should not have to replay with every new person.
Every new school year, every new substitute, every appointment: you have to start all over again. myHandiQR puts an end to that. You write it once. You will no longer start from scratch at every meeting.